This is how I see it ..

And so, finally the day has dawned. This week scientists revealed they’ve finally mastered the art of making human sperm from a single flake of skin; the announcement by “scientists at Newcastle University and the Northeast England Stem Cell Institute that they had created human sperm from embryonic stem cells” has naturally whipped up a bit of a storm for all sorts of valid ethical reasons.

I willingly admit that I’m as guilty  as the next girl of cracking all the ensuing jokes that come with this story (oops! there was another one ….) ….. “We may be able to make our own sperm, but can they mow the lawn?” ……. “Will manufactured sperm ring you the next day?” The story has such great  potential that it literally has grown it’s own tail and swum off in all sorts of directions.

Aside from all the obvious concerns that come with “baby-building” in the frightening mode of Professor Frankenstein, the most commonly discussed question I’ve come across is … what do women think to a world without men? Apparently we’re potentially weeks away from being able to buy a batch of human sperm at our local supermarket and it’s looking like your days could be numbered guys. 

So a world without men …. how would women really feel about that? Clearly from a procreational aspect if we can order in the ingredients now we literally could wave goodbye to the middle man … but Mother Nature is far cleverer than that, isn’t she? Yes girls, it’s time to admit it …. we do actually quite like men. OK. We like men a lot. 

What on this earth is more enjoyable that old metaphorical favourite … “the Dance”? You know the one I mean … the one where a man and a woman circle each other, eyes locked, intent on their next move and monitoring their partner’s response as they become enraptured and mesmerised by each other. In order to continue to populate the species Mother Nature ensured that we have an overwhelming and deep rooted fascination for the other that doesn’t evaporate at the onset of a tiff over the who should have control of the remote.

Yes guys, we women love “the Dance”, especially when we engage in our own unique rhythm. This must be true as I love the Dance more than ever now that I have my child. I have no plans to have any more children given the advancement of my years but I certainly intend to take a fair few more spins out on the floor. 

One slightly disturbing concern at this slightly Orwellian prospect is …. how do you protect men from unjust paternity lawsuits?

I make no secret of my love for Johnny Depp for example, but I am still the right side of sensible to the point that I wouldn’t go on the hunt for some of his house dust in the hope that I could create my own little long-haired gorgeous person. Quite frankly, anyone who could contemplate doing anything of that ilk is just missing the point of what fancying Johnny Depp is all about, and needs to revisit the scene in “Chocolat” where he tells Juliette Binoche that he will “come ’round sometime and get that squeak out of your door”. The Dance with Johnny Depp ….. you can forget your test tube, thanks very much.

So gentlemen, this girl’s verdict is that you are more than safe. Mother Nature created women to be very tolerant creatures …. we’re the ones that endure childbirth when all is said and done. And football, cricket and golf.

But you would be wise to remember one thing …. underestimate the power of a woman at your peril. Especially when she has a flake of your skin in her pocket.